|Oldest Emoticon in the World|
Yesterday was a good example of a typical Monday. Around 5:50 AM, I leave my apartment and drive about thirty minutes to work. I am at work from about 6:45-3:15, which can vary based on what is taking place. I am currently convinced that about 90% of my job has to with communication. Sometimes, I work on communication between different disciplines -- physicians and nurses, nurses and clinical pharmacists, physical therapists and occupational therapists, case manager and social worker, etc. I form bridges of sorts. Sometimes, it is encouraging the patient to communicate and use their voice, especially when they feel lost. And sometimes, it is communication among my coworkers. Here, it is key to model good communication -- sharing of information, offering encouragement, asking for help, etc. There are many other aspects of my job, but communication takes precedence most of the time.
After I clock out at work, I head to one of the other MD Anderson buildings to get a workout in at the FREE gym. It's like an amusement park. I see some of my coworkers there, and there is one who I intend to be workout buddies with soon. After the gym, I clean up and head out to find somewhere to eat before the Beth Moore study at my friend Michal's apartment. Yesterday was our first meeting.
If you have ever participated in one of Beth Moore's Bible studies, you will understand what I mean by a love/hate relationship. You're gonna hate the way she makes you feel, but you're gonna love what she makes you realize about yourself and your relationship with God. Last night's talk focused on 1 Thessalonians 1:1: "This letter is from Paul, Silas, and Timothy." Beth went through this trio's history together, all the way back to Acts where Paul "breaks up" with Barnabas over John Paul. Beth describes what a great rift this must have been using New Testament Greek. Barnabas and Paul are never mentioned together in Acts. She then describes what Paul, Silas, and Timothy's relationship must have been like after just coming in at that rift, and then that is where it starts becoming real for her audience.
Have you been through a recent rift? It's really awful when a close friend hurts you, doesn't it? It's even worse when you can't fix the rift that is created, and is it even possible to move on? Beth starts talking about "remixes," where you might have a rift that happens between one group, but eventually, you start forming relationships with other people. She talks about how even in your discussion group, you might have someone going through a divorce. You might have another who has lost a loved one, who was too young to leave this world. You might have someone who just moved away from everything she knew. Well, it turns out that we do have at least one person in our group who meets each of those descriptions! Yeah... I think that's when I started losing it.
At the end of the video, our wonderful discussion group leader asks us what we hope to get out of this study. She shares her heart, and starts tearing up. Soon enough, half of us are crying from sharing our stories, including me. I think partly I cried because everyone else was crying and being vulnerable to others, which is a beautiful thing. So I cried for joy and for sadness. Yes, I moved, but have I really missed anyone since I left two months ago? I think so, but this is the first time I truly felt it. That's what's so great and awful about a Beth Moore study.
So... what do I hope to get out of this Bible study? It sounds like total selfishness, but I really need remixed friendships and family. But what I really think I need more than that is to learn how to need. I always tell myself that I don't need anything from anyone. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I'm a nurse, for crying out loud! I'm a giver!
Those of you who are my closest friends know very well that I don't like the idea of needing someone else. It's one of those struggles that I thought I had solved. Well, I guess there is no solving it. I just have to need. I have the capacity to need, but I have to let God put me in situations where I am forced to need. And he has. He has brought me to Houston, away from everyone I have held selfishly close save my husband.
Do you think I can do it? God, help me need!