At Life Group yesterday, I was able to bask in the feelings of refreshment that I have been receiving over the past few weeks in a couple of areas in my life. Thanks to the prayers of this select group of friends, God heard my cries of bitterness, depression, and hurt, and I now feel spiritually full and whole. I am no longer carrying that burden. I have regained His arsenal so I can call His name again to those who need it the most. I am renewed and complete.
Forget my medical scrubs. I have finally been equipped with the whole armor of God.
Praise Him whose name is Yahweh, the breath of life!
Thank you, Lord, for speaking through me to patients, families, coworkers, and... surprisingly... even physicians! There's no describing how great I feel when I hear from my coworker friends that those I have been caring for and their families are telling them how good I have been doing in helping their loved ones. I hear the encouragement of God in all of those words. He's keeping me going, helping me tell them that He is the one at work here. The only thing that I am doing is using and playing the instruments.
And physicians, Lord? Really? I think you are trying to teach me something here. I was under the impression that they already had a humungous share of busy-ness on their plates. To hear "You do well with ten patients" and "Mrs. No Name had many great things to say about you" blows my mind, coming from people who I thought didn't have a minute to spare. I'm humbled. I think I judged them too quickly and I need to give them more breathing room.
One friend who is very dear to my heart told me that, "You know, it's great hearing all these things from your life. You're like the Jessica that I met seven years ago." At first, I thought "Well, what in the heck have I been doing with my life the past seven years!?!" and had a mild panic episode. Then, I remembered what I was doing. I was trying to find His path. I was learning to hear His voice. I was learning to love God.
Seven years well spent, shaping who I am today. I'm more than OK with that.
As the warming rays of summer have past, so has my season of grief. I'll be prepared when the next one comes, but for now, I will enjoy the crisp, refreshing air of fall--the beginning of a clearer and cooler way of thinking.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Ages of Grief
It's been a long, long time since I've posted. Sorry about that! I've been doing a lot of thinking about many different things. In fact, I wrote something early last month, but I did not feel I could post it here due to HIPAA laws. It was about my experience with someone I cared for at work, something that didn't mention names but mentioned enough for some to figure out who it was. I did not want to risk my job over that.
Also, simply put, for the past month and a half, I have been dealing with some pretty heavy feelings. I have been averaging a death per week at work. Again, these are things that I can't put into words due to legal reasons, but I don't really think I could anyway. It has been hard enough to be honest with my friends, to be able to talk about it. Usually, the response I get is, "You have a really tough job," or "It really takes a gifted/special person to do what you do." Both of these statements are true. For some reason, I didn't want to believe either of them. I wanted to believe that anybody could do what I can do, that I'm an average Joe. But I've realized that I am not that. It's ok for me to say that I have been blessed by God and to not sound cocky.
Not only would it be an insult to God to say that I was average, it would be an insult to everyone I know. I have a friend who helps hundreds of kids a day, kids who are not used to being hugged, and now they are hugging back. To call her average and say that I could do what she did would be a lie. She's exceptional. I have a friend who heals dogs, cats, horses, and probably lizards... everybody's animal babies. To try to give care to something that can't verbally communicate with you is a gift. She's exceptional. I have a friend who is gifted at writing, writing that I can connect with and help validate my feelings. I don't give her the credit for how well she knows me. She's exceptional. My friends are blessed by God, and it's good for them to say that.
---------------
Now that I have gotten what is on my mind at this moment out of the way, it's time for some organized writing. I would like to focus not on the traditional "Stages of Grief," but what I call the "Ages of Grief."
Everybody goes through grief differently because of the uniqueness of personality. Grief can be filled with joy, sadness, or both. Grief can be long or short. Grief can happen whether you knew the person closely or you knew them in a professional respect. You might grieve over loss years after the loss happens. In summary, grief has many faces and modes, so try to be patient for those who grieve, and don't try to push them to move on when they're not ready. Now that I have completed that soapbox tangent, let me explain the "Ages of Grief" concept. I have realized that based on your chronological age, there are certain facets of the grief entity that can be more pronounced. These facets can be emphasized on your understanding of death and loss and the type of relationship that you have with the deceased.
Readers: Please feel free to reply if you have anything to refute or add. I would love to consider other ideas since I am writing this to help my understanding of grief. In this way, I can help others grieve and help them realize that to grieve is to be healthy.
In childhood, grief is defined by the relationship of the child to the deceased and how much the child knows about death. When I was eight (I think... Mom might tell me I'm wrong), my grandmother died. Mom had spent about a year coming back and forth between home and my grandmother's home in Pennsylvania to be with her. I don't remember her funeral service, but I remember being outside, a brother on each side, looking down at a small box covered by a silk drape. "Why is the box so small? She can't fit in there," I thought, since I had sense enough not to ask this question out loud. No one had told me about cremation. "Why do I have to dress in black?" was another question that kept resonating in my mind. I didn't cry that day, perhaps because I was so intrigued about the process of it all. A few months later I started dreaming about her and waking up crying in the middle of the night. I think for kids, the fact that a loved one is not there and the feeling of missing him or her is how grief expresses itself the most, unless it is a parent who died. Loss of a primary caregiver must hit much harder because the person who expressed love through safety, support, and need is now no longer there to provide security.
As a teenager and young adult, grief expresses itself as early and heartbreaking loss, whether it is a parent, the loss of one's child, or a significant other such as a spouse. The person who is grieving might feel "cheated" because the one that he or she lost was active in their lives in a special way. I have met several adults at my job who are in their late teens and early twenties who lose a mother or father to cancer. They feel "cheated" because Dad still needed to walk them down the aisle, or Mom was supposed to be there to help them with the first grandchild. I was too young to remember when Pappaw died, but I'm sure Dad felt this way. He lost the person he would have gone to with family problems. Loss during the teenage and twenties years brings on an increased, inherited sense of responsibility to care for one's own family with similar loss.
It is hard for me to describe the process of grief for those aged 30-60s. Mostly, I have seen that loss can happen at all angles--loss of a friend, child, spouse, parent, etc.--and many losses can be related to disease, especially cancer. Also, loss of a loved one is still earlier than what it should be. I have found that people in this age range find many ways to cope, such as supporting a loved one through the cancer journey by fundraising or advocating for certain organizations. People in this age range also tend to use technology to share information with other members of the family and friends. If anybody has any information to share about loss during this age, please share because I know that my conclusions here are incomplete. One thing I do know is that it seems that no one should have to experience the loss of a child.
For those ages 60s and up, grief is primarily defined by a feeling of loneliness. Loss of friends and family can be overwhelming. I don't know how to explain it in eloquent terms, but everyone "just dies of old age," to quote my grandmother. Loss of a spouse instigates the greatest amount of loneliness, and the loss of friends and family that have "been with you through the ages," such as siblings, adds to that loneliness. I have often heard the elderly express "I am now by myself" or "I don't have anybody anymore." It is not hard to believe that when one spouse dies, the other spouse might die a few weeks to months later if the feelings of loneliness are that strong.
To tie this all up in a whole-- again, please be patient and supportive when someone is grieving. It is very hard to understand what the person might be feeling, but sometimes just listening is the best thing you can do. Validate their feelings and emotions by saying that it's ok to grieve, and help them through it all. For what I call my "mini-grief" sessions related to work, it helps me when people listen and pray for me. When the time comes, someone will do this for you too.
Also, simply put, for the past month and a half, I have been dealing with some pretty heavy feelings. I have been averaging a death per week at work. Again, these are things that I can't put into words due to legal reasons, but I don't really think I could anyway. It has been hard enough to be honest with my friends, to be able to talk about it. Usually, the response I get is, "You have a really tough job," or "It really takes a gifted/special person to do what you do." Both of these statements are true. For some reason, I didn't want to believe either of them. I wanted to believe that anybody could do what I can do, that I'm an average Joe. But I've realized that I am not that. It's ok for me to say that I have been blessed by God and to not sound cocky.
Not only would it be an insult to God to say that I was average, it would be an insult to everyone I know. I have a friend who helps hundreds of kids a day, kids who are not used to being hugged, and now they are hugging back. To call her average and say that I could do what she did would be a lie. She's exceptional. I have a friend who heals dogs, cats, horses, and probably lizards... everybody's animal babies. To try to give care to something that can't verbally communicate with you is a gift. She's exceptional. I have a friend who is gifted at writing, writing that I can connect with and help validate my feelings. I don't give her the credit for how well she knows me. She's exceptional. My friends are blessed by God, and it's good for them to say that.
---------------
Now that I have gotten what is on my mind at this moment out of the way, it's time for some organized writing. I would like to focus not on the traditional "Stages of Grief," but what I call the "Ages of Grief."
Everybody goes through grief differently because of the uniqueness of personality. Grief can be filled with joy, sadness, or both. Grief can be long or short. Grief can happen whether you knew the person closely or you knew them in a professional respect. You might grieve over loss years after the loss happens. In summary, grief has many faces and modes, so try to be patient for those who grieve, and don't try to push them to move on when they're not ready. Now that I have completed that soapbox tangent, let me explain the "Ages of Grief" concept. I have realized that based on your chronological age, there are certain facets of the grief entity that can be more pronounced. These facets can be emphasized on your understanding of death and loss and the type of relationship that you have with the deceased.
Readers: Please feel free to reply if you have anything to refute or add. I would love to consider other ideas since I am writing this to help my understanding of grief. In this way, I can help others grieve and help them realize that to grieve is to be healthy.
In childhood, grief is defined by the relationship of the child to the deceased and how much the child knows about death. When I was eight (I think... Mom might tell me I'm wrong), my grandmother died. Mom had spent about a year coming back and forth between home and my grandmother's home in Pennsylvania to be with her. I don't remember her funeral service, but I remember being outside, a brother on each side, looking down at a small box covered by a silk drape. "Why is the box so small? She can't fit in there," I thought, since I had sense enough not to ask this question out loud. No one had told me about cremation. "Why do I have to dress in black?" was another question that kept resonating in my mind. I didn't cry that day, perhaps because I was so intrigued about the process of it all. A few months later I started dreaming about her and waking up crying in the middle of the night. I think for kids, the fact that a loved one is not there and the feeling of missing him or her is how grief expresses itself the most, unless it is a parent who died. Loss of a primary caregiver must hit much harder because the person who expressed love through safety, support, and need is now no longer there to provide security.
As a teenager and young adult, grief expresses itself as early and heartbreaking loss, whether it is a parent, the loss of one's child, or a significant other such as a spouse. The person who is grieving might feel "cheated" because the one that he or she lost was active in their lives in a special way. I have met several adults at my job who are in their late teens and early twenties who lose a mother or father to cancer. They feel "cheated" because Dad still needed to walk them down the aisle, or Mom was supposed to be there to help them with the first grandchild. I was too young to remember when Pappaw died, but I'm sure Dad felt this way. He lost the person he would have gone to with family problems. Loss during the teenage and twenties years brings on an increased, inherited sense of responsibility to care for one's own family with similar loss.
It is hard for me to describe the process of grief for those aged 30-60s. Mostly, I have seen that loss can happen at all angles--loss of a friend, child, spouse, parent, etc.--and many losses can be related to disease, especially cancer. Also, loss of a loved one is still earlier than what it should be. I have found that people in this age range find many ways to cope, such as supporting a loved one through the cancer journey by fundraising or advocating for certain organizations. People in this age range also tend to use technology to share information with other members of the family and friends. If anybody has any information to share about loss during this age, please share because I know that my conclusions here are incomplete. One thing I do know is that it seems that no one should have to experience the loss of a child.
For those ages 60s and up, grief is primarily defined by a feeling of loneliness. Loss of friends and family can be overwhelming. I don't know how to explain it in eloquent terms, but everyone "just dies of old age," to quote my grandmother. Loss of a spouse instigates the greatest amount of loneliness, and the loss of friends and family that have "been with you through the ages," such as siblings, adds to that loneliness. I have often heard the elderly express "I am now by myself" or "I don't have anybody anymore." It is not hard to believe that when one spouse dies, the other spouse might die a few weeks to months later if the feelings of loneliness are that strong.
To tie this all up in a whole-- again, please be patient and supportive when someone is grieving. It is very hard to understand what the person might be feeling, but sometimes just listening is the best thing you can do. Validate their feelings and emotions by saying that it's ok to grieve, and help them through it all. For what I call my "mini-grief" sessions related to work, it helps me when people listen and pray for me. When the time comes, someone will do this for you too.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
The Blessings of Friends, Family and Food
Hello, everyone! I know that it has been quite a while since I posted. Simply put, I was just not feeling it, and why write if you aren't feeling it? It would certainly be boring and most likely not interesting.
If you are concerned about how my uncle might be doing since I last posted, I talked to him yesterday. He sounded like himself again. I went to visit him a week after he left the hospital (he was in the ICU for high blood sugar, muscle breakdown, kidney failure, and pneumonia), and he seemed week and depressed. I knew it was going to take him a while to get better physically, but I was especially concerned about his depression. I think it has something to do with forming a new relationship with food. I helped my grandmother make grocery lists that were diabetic-friendly, and I also found a PDF that included the dietary values of over 40 different fast food restaurants. I know what you're thinking; fast food is NOT healthy. However, one can make better choices at typically any fast food place, and my uncle needs to learn about those better choices because he travels for 100% of his job.
Before I left my grandmother's house, I went up to his room and talked to him about food a little. This seemed to just make him more depressed. I found out that he seemed to think that he could never eat his favorite foods again (pizza, potatoes, chips, etc.). I told him that everything was fine in moderation. Previously, he was eating pizza at least three times a week. So, he is now working on limiting the foods he likes that might not be so good for him. As I left his room, I told him that I don't want to ban any foods and that I am on his side. That cheered him up and he smiled a little. I'm proud of how hard he is trying.
So speaking of food. Lately, I have found cooking to be calming, relaxing, and, in general, a mindless activity. Well, I shouldn't really say mindless. You have to think about what you are doing. I guess the correct thing to say would be that it takes your mind off other things. Gives the old noggin a break.
Today I cooked braised short ribs marinated in wine and select vegetables. While this was cooking in the oven for two hours, I sauteed a simple squash recipe (which was really supposed to be zucchini, but the grocery store didn't seem to have any). The ingredients for the squash stir-fry are in the photo above. Alex had baked Matzo bread that morning, and this is what our late night meal turned out to be:
Sorry... not a really great picture, but you get the idea.
This morning, I went to work for another food get-together with my friends. It was Mary's last night as a nurse extern, and we were celebrating her extern-ness and the fact that she was staying on with us as a patient care tech until she graduates from nursing school. Go Mary! I'm so proud of you. We had a smorgasbord of food, and had a lot of fun, intermittently interrupted by bed alarms. I had never tried chicken and waffles together before, but now I understand the appeal. We also had fruit, cupcakes and other select desserts, and several toppings to go on the waffles.
Now, for my final topic. (I know--I just want to talk and talk and talk... but I have wanted to talk about so many things at once that I didn't know how to start! Maybe that is why I have avoided writing.) This past month, I have been blessed to spend time with some smart, talented, and all-around fun girls. The four of them are gradually moving into adolescence at different levels, and I have loved having chats with them. I think I had forgotten what it is like to grow up. A lot of adults think that most childhood concerns are trivial, but just if you're reading, just think about how being labeled as "trivial" might have affected the person you are now. If you think about it that way, I think that pretty much NOTHING is trivial in childhood, especially if you are bridging from childhood to tween, or from tween to teen.
So, I would like to brag about four girls that I have gotten to spend time with in July. Here are my treasured teen and tween friends.
Kelly
Now, I know she probably looks a little scary in this picture, but I took this one of her when we were just about to go into the laser tag arena. (And no, I am not ashamed of playing laser tag at age 25.) I think that this picture is totally awesome. Kelly is quite mature for her age, and she has had to be. I spent the day with her at Funopolis, and when we sat down for lunch (pizza and fries... YES), she told me about how many surgeries she had been through already, and that she might have to go for one more. I think that having to be brave has made her wise beyond her years, and I know what you might be thinking. Sometimes advanced maturity has its pitfalls, but with Kelly, her overall good nature takes the better of the maturity. I'm glad to know this girl and I admire her.
Tesse (aka Boo-Boo)
Tesse is my first cousin on my Dad's side. Her Dad (my uncle) was the one who was in the ICU for a couple of days. Due to the circumstances, her Mom let her come with us to Pennsylvania for the week of July 4th. Tesse is extremely smart. She channels her ingenuity through arts and crafts. Some of her drawings are just fantastic. I hope she gets to go to art school someday. She also loves animals. (The dog in the picture is Clover, a mischievous year-and-a-half old chocolate lab puppy.)
Samantha (aka Sam-Sam)
Sam-Sam is my oldest first cousin (on my Mom's side). I remember what she was like when she was a baby. Sam is quite reserved, but when she shares her heart with you, it is beautiful. She is going into high school this year, and she wants to go to vocational school and study cosmetology. I enjoyed being with her because she is in that delightful transition phase from tween to teen. She is obsessed with boys, especially Justin Bieber. I don't know if she knows this (and she would probably be aggravated with me if she did know), but I stepped into the doorway of her room while we were there and looked around. (Don't worry... I didn't touch anything, Sam.) Her room made me smile. Scattered across the room were favorite stuffed animals. She still has a few dolls around, but then on the right side of her room are three giant posters of (who else?) Justin Bieber, right next to a movie poster of "Charlotte's Web." Sam's growing up. Soon enough, she will be going to college and I will be thinking, "Where has the time gone? Where did my baby cousin go?"
Katlin (aka Bubbles)
There is a reason Katlin is called "Bubbles." She has practically been talking since she was born. Not in a rambling, chattering sort of way. She just speaks her mind, and most of it is pretty darn hilarious. What I respect about Katlin the most is that while she gets a lot of flack for speaking her mind, she never complains about being picked on. I'm pretty sure I couldn't take that when I was her age, but it doesn't phase her. She likes the attention. I don't think she has ever felt the pressure to stop the constant flow of thoughts from her head.
Well, those are the girls! I love each of them. H.A.G.S.! (It stands for "have a good summer." I learned that from looking at my cousins' yearbooks.)
If you are concerned about how my uncle might be doing since I last posted, I talked to him yesterday. He sounded like himself again. I went to visit him a week after he left the hospital (he was in the ICU for high blood sugar, muscle breakdown, kidney failure, and pneumonia), and he seemed week and depressed. I knew it was going to take him a while to get better physically, but I was especially concerned about his depression. I think it has something to do with forming a new relationship with food. I helped my grandmother make grocery lists that were diabetic-friendly, and I also found a PDF that included the dietary values of over 40 different fast food restaurants. I know what you're thinking; fast food is NOT healthy. However, one can make better choices at typically any fast food place, and my uncle needs to learn about those better choices because he travels for 100% of his job.
Before I left my grandmother's house, I went up to his room and talked to him about food a little. This seemed to just make him more depressed. I found out that he seemed to think that he could never eat his favorite foods again (pizza, potatoes, chips, etc.). I told him that everything was fine in moderation. Previously, he was eating pizza at least three times a week. So, he is now working on limiting the foods he likes that might not be so good for him. As I left his room, I told him that I don't want to ban any foods and that I am on his side. That cheered him up and he smiled a little. I'm proud of how hard he is trying.
So speaking of food. Lately, I have found cooking to be calming, relaxing, and, in general, a mindless activity. Well, I shouldn't really say mindless. You have to think about what you are doing. I guess the correct thing to say would be that it takes your mind off other things. Gives the old noggin a break.
Today I cooked braised short ribs marinated in wine and select vegetables. While this was cooking in the oven for two hours, I sauteed a simple squash recipe (which was really supposed to be zucchini, but the grocery store didn't seem to have any). The ingredients for the squash stir-fry are in the photo above. Alex had baked Matzo bread that morning, and this is what our late night meal turned out to be:
Sorry... not a really great picture, but you get the idea.
This morning, I went to work for another food get-together with my friends. It was Mary's last night as a nurse extern, and we were celebrating her extern-ness and the fact that she was staying on with us as a patient care tech until she graduates from nursing school. Go Mary! I'm so proud of you. We had a smorgasbord of food, and had a lot of fun, intermittently interrupted by bed alarms. I had never tried chicken and waffles together before, but now I understand the appeal. We also had fruit, cupcakes and other select desserts, and several toppings to go on the waffles.
Now, for my final topic. (I know--I just want to talk and talk and talk... but I have wanted to talk about so many things at once that I didn't know how to start! Maybe that is why I have avoided writing.) This past month, I have been blessed to spend time with some smart, talented, and all-around fun girls. The four of them are gradually moving into adolescence at different levels, and I have loved having chats with them. I think I had forgotten what it is like to grow up. A lot of adults think that most childhood concerns are trivial, but just if you're reading, just think about how being labeled as "trivial" might have affected the person you are now. If you think about it that way, I think that pretty much NOTHING is trivial in childhood, especially if you are bridging from childhood to tween, or from tween to teen.
So, I would like to brag about four girls that I have gotten to spend time with in July. Here are my treasured teen and tween friends.
Kelly
Now, I know she probably looks a little scary in this picture, but I took this one of her when we were just about to go into the laser tag arena. (And no, I am not ashamed of playing laser tag at age 25.) I think that this picture is totally awesome. Kelly is quite mature for her age, and she has had to be. I spent the day with her at Funopolis, and when we sat down for lunch (pizza and fries... YES), she told me about how many surgeries she had been through already, and that she might have to go for one more. I think that having to be brave has made her wise beyond her years, and I know what you might be thinking. Sometimes advanced maturity has its pitfalls, but with Kelly, her overall good nature takes the better of the maturity. I'm glad to know this girl and I admire her.
Tesse (aka Boo-Boo)
Tesse is my first cousin on my Dad's side. Her Dad (my uncle) was the one who was in the ICU for a couple of days. Due to the circumstances, her Mom let her come with us to Pennsylvania for the week of July 4th. Tesse is extremely smart. She channels her ingenuity through arts and crafts. Some of her drawings are just fantastic. I hope she gets to go to art school someday. She also loves animals. (The dog in the picture is Clover, a mischievous year-and-a-half old chocolate lab puppy.)
Samantha (aka Sam-Sam)
Sam-Sam is my oldest first cousin (on my Mom's side). I remember what she was like when she was a baby. Sam is quite reserved, but when she shares her heart with you, it is beautiful. She is going into high school this year, and she wants to go to vocational school and study cosmetology. I enjoyed being with her because she is in that delightful transition phase from tween to teen. She is obsessed with boys, especially Justin Bieber. I don't know if she knows this (and she would probably be aggravated with me if she did know), but I stepped into the doorway of her room while we were there and looked around. (Don't worry... I didn't touch anything, Sam.) Her room made me smile. Scattered across the room were favorite stuffed animals. She still has a few dolls around, but then on the right side of her room are three giant posters of (who else?) Justin Bieber, right next to a movie poster of "Charlotte's Web." Sam's growing up. Soon enough, she will be going to college and I will be thinking, "Where has the time gone? Where did my baby cousin go?"
Katlin (aka Bubbles)
There is a reason Katlin is called "Bubbles." She has practically been talking since she was born. Not in a rambling, chattering sort of way. She just speaks her mind, and most of it is pretty darn hilarious. What I respect about Katlin the most is that while she gets a lot of flack for speaking her mind, she never complains about being picked on. I'm pretty sure I couldn't take that when I was her age, but it doesn't phase her. She likes the attention. I don't think she has ever felt the pressure to stop the constant flow of thoughts from her head.
Well, those are the girls! I love each of them. H.A.G.S.! (It stands for "have a good summer." I learned that from looking at my cousins' yearbooks.)
Monday, July 1, 2013
Vacation is on the Horizon!
Hmmm... It's been a wild ride lately. There are always challenges, and I can finally see the new horizon coming to shine on me. Wow, how cheesy.
Alex and I were supposed to be leaving this past Sunday to head to Pennsylvania to see my Mom's family. Dad, Mom, Mike, and his dog Clover were going to go as well. Instead, we have been waiting here at our apartment, helping out wherever we can because my uncle was admitted to the ICU this weekend.
I started getting calls from Mike, who started getting worried about our uncle on Thursday. He seldom calls, so when I heard the phone vibrating and saw that it was him, I answered it. Yay for being on-call RN for my family! And there began the challenge to teach Mammaw and Dad how to use my uncle's glucometer to check his blood sugar. He's a diabetic, and it never occurred to me before that I should teach someone else how to take his blood sugar in case he could not do it himself.
I don't feel like I have the right to be more specific, nor do I want to be right now. Bad just went to worse and even worse, and now my uncle is in ICU. I am told that he is improving quickly, and I am glad that he is getting the care that he needs. Dad told me that the ICU nurses have been wonderful at taking care of him and explaining everything in terms that he and Mammaw can understand. I am extremely grateful, and I love my kind!
I have learned now that I have an obligation to help my family with medical concerns and questions, and I am happy to do that. I hope that I get to help my uncle take better care of himself. I hope that he is receptive, and that I get to reinforce the teaching about diabetes that they do at the hospital. I hate to wish this, but I hope that he remembers just how sick he was and how bad it got, so maybe he will not want it to happen again.
So, for the new horizon! I am so excited to be going on vacation with my family for several days. There has been a slight change of plans as to who is coming--Dad is going to stay home with Mammaw to take care of my uncle when he is in the hospital. So, to take his place we have my 9-year-old cousin, Tesse! Mom, Mike, Alex, and Clover are still coming. It's going to be a tight fit in the car... but we'll manage.
There are several people in my Mom's family who have not met Alex, so that will be fun. I hope I get to see as many of them as possible, because I love them all. I really want to see my grandparents, seeing as they could not make it to our wedding, so it will be the first time they will be meeting Alex too. So excited! :)
I might not post for a couple of days. I don't think I will be bringing my computer. So, I hope everyone has a wonderful July 4th holiday, and I will be praying that all of you stay safe and have a blast!
Alex and I were supposed to be leaving this past Sunday to head to Pennsylvania to see my Mom's family. Dad, Mom, Mike, and his dog Clover were going to go as well. Instead, we have been waiting here at our apartment, helping out wherever we can because my uncle was admitted to the ICU this weekend.
I started getting calls from Mike, who started getting worried about our uncle on Thursday. He seldom calls, so when I heard the phone vibrating and saw that it was him, I answered it. Yay for being on-call RN for my family! And there began the challenge to teach Mammaw and Dad how to use my uncle's glucometer to check his blood sugar. He's a diabetic, and it never occurred to me before that I should teach someone else how to take his blood sugar in case he could not do it himself.
I don't feel like I have the right to be more specific, nor do I want to be right now. Bad just went to worse and even worse, and now my uncle is in ICU. I am told that he is improving quickly, and I am glad that he is getting the care that he needs. Dad told me that the ICU nurses have been wonderful at taking care of him and explaining everything in terms that he and Mammaw can understand. I am extremely grateful, and I love my kind!
I have learned now that I have an obligation to help my family with medical concerns and questions, and I am happy to do that. I hope that I get to help my uncle take better care of himself. I hope that he is receptive, and that I get to reinforce the teaching about diabetes that they do at the hospital. I hate to wish this, but I hope that he remembers just how sick he was and how bad it got, so maybe he will not want it to happen again.
So, for the new horizon! I am so excited to be going on vacation with my family for several days. There has been a slight change of plans as to who is coming--Dad is going to stay home with Mammaw to take care of my uncle when he is in the hospital. So, to take his place we have my 9-year-old cousin, Tesse! Mom, Mike, Alex, and Clover are still coming. It's going to be a tight fit in the car... but we'll manage.
There are several people in my Mom's family who have not met Alex, so that will be fun. I hope I get to see as many of them as possible, because I love them all. I really want to see my grandparents, seeing as they could not make it to our wedding, so it will be the first time they will be meeting Alex too. So excited! :)
I might not post for a couple of days. I don't think I will be bringing my computer. So, I hope everyone has a wonderful July 4th holiday, and I will be praying that all of you stay safe and have a blast!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
A Little Bit of Everything
So, quite a few awesome bits of things have happened since I've posted. All of these little bits make me really happy inside. It's time to share!
First, for the oldest bit of happiness. Last week, I spend about 4 hours at my friend Ruhanna's house to complete my first ever quilt. Yes, people. I am now a quilter! That was what my last post was about. Now that I have confirmed that the recipients of said quilt have received it in the mail, it is safe to post the finished product here:
First, for the oldest bit of happiness. Last week, I spend about 4 hours at my friend Ruhanna's house to complete my first ever quilt. Yes, people. I am now a quilter! That was what my last post was about. Now that I have confirmed that the recipients of said quilt have received it in the mail, it is safe to post the finished product here:
This is the baby quilt that I made for my friends Daniel and Victoria. Quite stimulating for baby, isn't it? The squares are made by friends who came to their baby shower. I got the idea from
Pinterest. First, cut out plain, white quilt squares. Then, you take freezer paper and draw the design that you want to print onto the square. Cut out the design using an X-Acto knife (found at craft stores). The positive or negative of the image (whatever you choose) is ironed on to the fabric square. Yes! Freezer paper sticks to fabric! When it is ironed onto the fabric, you can take it outside and spray the fabric with fabric spray paint. Once dry, you peel the freezer paper off, and voila! You have a beautiful design!
For the rest of the quilting venture, I had my friend, the quilting virtuoso, teach me. Ruhanna is so wonderful! I feel like you don't quite appreciate something someone has given to you as a handmade gift until you try it yourself. Alex's aunt made us a quilt as a wedding present, and I didn't know just how much effort and time she must have devoted to it until now.
Ruhanna also told me that if there was anything that I had learned with her that day, that she hoped that it would be this: "'Mistakes' in life can be much as they are in quilting - 'we can fix
that!' or at the very least, 'that will quilt out!' When we look at
life's overall picture, as with our quilts, we tend to see the finished
product as pleasing and good --- yes, with a few mistakes along the way
here and there, but the bottom line is what we see makes us smile and
we know we have accomplished something!"
Yes, I have accomplished something! And I am proud of it. The phrase "that will quilt out" refers to the fact that if you make a mistake with your quilt, you can always fix it when the actual quilting step takes place. Ruhanna told me that quilters say "We can quilt it out!" all the time when there is something in the fabric that is not quite right. In life, mistakes are made, but it seems that God always works them out. He "quilts out" our bad choices and helps us to move on.
As for "quilting it out," I made a mistake recently at work, which almost ended up in a really bad outcome for someone. I beat myself up for a couple of days, but finally I just took a deep breath in and out and focused my entire being on praying to God to take it away. I don't know if it was the fact that I could feel my entire self invested in this prayer, or if I just really believed that He would take it. Or, maybe there was no "I" involved in it at all. Perhaps He just decided to take it. What mattered is that He did. Instantly. It was just like He said, "Okay, no problem" and made me stop beating myself up about it. He made me realize that we all make mistakes, and it turns out that the mistake I had made, He made it alright for the person it affected. I can't be specific, but the person I am thinking of is back to himself again, and is getting physically better than he was when I met him. God really is the Great Physician. He heals us physically, and for me, He healed my conscience. He stopped my horrible habit of blaming myself over and over again. At least for now.
For the last bit of happiness, I would like to thank my sister Alison. Alison and I have a love for Joe Hisaishi, who is responsible for the soundracks of most Hayao Miyazaki films (Howl's Moving Casle, Kiki's Delivery Service, Totoro, Ponyo, Spirited Away, etc.). Please take a few minutes (or hours) to fully enjoy his compositions that are featured in his "Studio Ghibli 25 Years Concert."
After I made my quilt, I thought, "Wow. If the zombie apocalypse happens soon, I am going to have the most useless survival skills: playing the accordion and machine quilting." Then I remembered that I am a registered nurse. I think people would have me on their survival team, right? Hope you enjoyed my bits of happiness! Until next time, may God bless your days in ways that you do not expect.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
OMG! I'm so excited! Today (well, yesterday), I had an awesome day. I can't specify the details here yet, but I will post the photos soon. I'm afraid it might spoil the fun for two close friends of mine who need to check their mailbox first. However, I can post this for now:
Well, I guess it is obvious who will be waiting for something in the mail. Didn't I say I was excited? Yes! Today, I am very thankful to have my friend Ruhanna in my life. She spent the entire afternoon with me at her house, teaching me her precious skills. Most of all, I am grateful that she was patient with me. As with any new skill, novices (like me) can be quite hard to deal with sometimes.
So, I spent most of the day completing this project, but what else did I do? I went to the liquor store and bought dry sherry to make a shrimp stir-fry with ham and peas included. The recipe was from Mark Bittman's Best Recipes in the World. I complimented this with some steam-cooked brown rice, along with edamame and vegetable egg rolls as sides. This is not the best picture, but here is what Alex and I cooked:
Best of all: My best friend Christina joined us for dinner! She and I followed this up with a nice swim in the pool. We set the pool alarm off because we didn't shut the gate properly, annoying the lady the next door, but things happen. I bet pool lady has to deal with that all the time. However, I enjoyed spending one-on-one time with my Lizzy (she calls me Jane--Pride and Prejudice codenames). Another good thing: I didn't have an allergic reaction to the chlorine. (I'll tell a good story on that some time in the future.)
Oh, to be lighthearted! Oh, to not evaluate every little thing! Brevity! It feels good. :) (If you can't tell, I had an awesome day.)
Well, I guess it is obvious who will be waiting for something in the mail. Didn't I say I was excited? Yes! Today, I am very thankful to have my friend Ruhanna in my life. She spent the entire afternoon with me at her house, teaching me her precious skills. Most of all, I am grateful that she was patient with me. As with any new skill, novices (like me) can be quite hard to deal with sometimes.
So, I spent most of the day completing this project, but what else did I do? I went to the liquor store and bought dry sherry to make a shrimp stir-fry with ham and peas included. The recipe was from Mark Bittman's Best Recipes in the World. I complimented this with some steam-cooked brown rice, along with edamame and vegetable egg rolls as sides. This is not the best picture, but here is what Alex and I cooked:
Best of all: My best friend Christina joined us for dinner! She and I followed this up with a nice swim in the pool. We set the pool alarm off because we didn't shut the gate properly, annoying the lady the next door, but things happen. I bet pool lady has to deal with that all the time. However, I enjoyed spending one-on-one time with my Lizzy (she calls me Jane--Pride and Prejudice codenames). Another good thing: I didn't have an allergic reaction to the chlorine. (I'll tell a good story on that some time in the future.)
Oh, to be lighthearted! Oh, to not evaluate every little thing! Brevity! It feels good. :) (If you can't tell, I had an awesome day.)
Sunday, June 16, 2013
No Shame to Cry
Just a little note before I start gabbing away... I would like to thank my friend Abbie for my background for my blog. It is a studio print that she created from one of our engagement photos a few years ago. It was presented to me and Alex as a wedding gift, and it is now hanging on our living room wall. The title of the print is "My Cup Runneth Over." This is why I think that it is the perfect background, as it is a reminder to have an attitude of gratitude!
I am at work tonight, and I can't help but reach my heart out to someone I have met here. When I came into his room for the first time tonight, I told him that I noticed that he seemed depressed. I thought he had been crying the night before, and the dayshift nurse thought he had been crying too. I asked him if there was someone he would like to talk to (like a chaplain...), or even if he wanted to talk to me. Immediately, the tears welled up in his eyes and he choked on his own words. "I just want to get better!" That's all he could say. "I know. You're tired of all that is going on. You want to be out of here in the warm sunshine. I would want the same thing. I would want to be spending time with my friends and family. I would want anything other than this," I responded. So I asked him if we could pray together and he said yes.
That's how I started my shift tonight--thanking God for this man's life, and asking Him to heal this man that I only knew from here. So far, he has been resting well tonight. I really hopes that he gets to leave here soon.
Lesson learned: Blessing others in His name blesses me.
I am at work tonight, and I can't help but reach my heart out to someone I have met here. When I came into his room for the first time tonight, I told him that I noticed that he seemed depressed. I thought he had been crying the night before, and the dayshift nurse thought he had been crying too. I asked him if there was someone he would like to talk to (like a chaplain...), or even if he wanted to talk to me. Immediately, the tears welled up in his eyes and he choked on his own words. "I just want to get better!" That's all he could say. "I know. You're tired of all that is going on. You want to be out of here in the warm sunshine. I would want the same thing. I would want to be spending time with my friends and family. I would want anything other than this," I responded. So I asked him if we could pray together and he said yes.
That's how I started my shift tonight--thanking God for this man's life, and asking Him to heal this man that I only knew from here. So far, he has been resting well tonight. I really hopes that he gets to leave here soon.
Lesson learned: Blessing others in His name blesses me.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Encouraging? I think not!
Hello, people out there! I am now one of you... you know who you are. You are the people who are not afraid to write so other people can see. Well, I am not quite sure I am that person yet, but I'm going to find out for myself.
I am starting to put some words out there because I have recognized that I do quite a bit of complaining. Well, a bit too much. OK... a huge heavy buttload and it's dragging me down. I wonder if I am bringing down people with me. I can feel somewhere inside that I am not the simple, light-hearted person that I once was. I can't encourage people with ease like I used to. I'm also depending on other people to encourage me... people who might even need more encouragement and light-heartedness themselves.
Somewhere else inside me tells me that the first place to start attacking the whiny part of my soul is to think of all that I have been blessed with just for today. Mom's 50th birthday was today (well, yesterday), and I have had 25 years with her right by my side, supporting my every decision and also supporting who I am not. I have a warm-hearted, loving, caring, handsome, God-fearing husband who cherishes our relationship and brings God into our life. Another simple thing yet not appearing to be so simple at this time is the fact that I have a steady job. There are millions who do not have that.
Almighty God, thank you for Mom, Alex, and my job. I am going to start becoming thankful for all the goodness and richness you have placed in my life and what You have created for me. You are my Savior who has a plan for me, and for that I am thankful.
I have intentionally limited myself as to what I can write in this blog. The whole purpose is to change my heart and to bring myself back to light. I still feel free to write musings, but my goal is to see a transformation of my soul, so that I can become more of who God wants me to be. I believe that He wants me to be able to encourage others like I used to, but He might want something else from me now. We'll see. In time, I will see what will become of this blog and where He will lead me through it.
Thanks for listening! ;)
I am starting to put some words out there because I have recognized that I do quite a bit of complaining. Well, a bit too much. OK... a huge heavy buttload and it's dragging me down. I wonder if I am bringing down people with me. I can feel somewhere inside that I am not the simple, light-hearted person that I once was. I can't encourage people with ease like I used to. I'm also depending on other people to encourage me... people who might even need more encouragement and light-heartedness themselves.
Somewhere else inside me tells me that the first place to start attacking the whiny part of my soul is to think of all that I have been blessed with just for today. Mom's 50th birthday was today (well, yesterday), and I have had 25 years with her right by my side, supporting my every decision and also supporting who I am not. I have a warm-hearted, loving, caring, handsome, God-fearing husband who cherishes our relationship and brings God into our life. Another simple thing yet not appearing to be so simple at this time is the fact that I have a steady job. There are millions who do not have that.
Almighty God, thank you for Mom, Alex, and my job. I am going to start becoming thankful for all the goodness and richness you have placed in my life and what You have created for me. You are my Savior who has a plan for me, and for that I am thankful.
I have intentionally limited myself as to what I can write in this blog. The whole purpose is to change my heart and to bring myself back to light. I still feel free to write musings, but my goal is to see a transformation of my soul, so that I can become more of who God wants me to be. I believe that He wants me to be able to encourage others like I used to, but He might want something else from me now. We'll see. In time, I will see what will become of this blog and where He will lead me through it.
Thanks for listening! ;)
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